"Change," can seem puzzling, unnerving, and confusing or it can seem refreshing, relieving, and enterprising. These two polar opposite views on "change," all depends on our perspective, the way we choose to view this very consistent, reoccurring thing in our lives. Change doesn't come naturally to any of us, as it can uproot us, shake us, and lead us to discover elements of ourselves that we are missing. Believe me, I was unprepared to take on this six-letter word, maybe due to immaturity, lack of fulfillment, or loneliness. Nonetheless, I found myself struggling to write down the exact reason why this six-letter word shook my world so hard and flung me back to the starting place, the place where I re-evaluate my life goals, dreams, and ambitions. This entry is hard for me to put into words, even as I'm typing it out because these past two months have have been some of the hardest I have every had to face in my 20's thus far. This was due primarily to the fact that I jumped so deeply down a path, I wasn't sure I wanted.
For the past six years of my life, I have had a pretty clear picture of what I wanted to be when I grew up, however, the question I'm trying to answer now is, "What do I do when that dream seems to have slipped away?," because the reality of that dream didn't measure up to what I believe it would be like. As you can probably see, my life feels like one big question mark at the moment, a limbo, where I have to explain to others why my past dream wasn't for me.
According to WebMD's article from March 2016, entitled Causes of Stress, "Everyone has stress triggers," some work related, some life provoked, or both (Goldberg). My situation would fall into the 'both' category. As these past months were filled with moving to a new state, trying my hand at a new job, and living on my own. Having three consistent stressors in my life was overwhelming for me, to the point where I began to doubt my situation and the choices that I made. I won't dance around my reality and state that these two months were easy because they weren't. I felt like I couldn't separate my personal life from my work life, as I had no downtime to spare. I had no support network, expect for those at work, but I felt the need for separation. I wanted to find friends outside the workplace, however, when I began to searched the less friends I seemed to find. Was I searching for friends with my eyes closed? It was hard. Even though, I can't recount every moment, I know everyone faces situations differently. When looking in from the outside of my life, you would probably state that I had an amazing opportunity because I had a job, I lived in a safe neighborhood, and I had an apartment to go back to every night. What you wouldn't be able to see was the reality I was facing internally. I was feeling homesick, feeling unsatisfied with my job, and I was feeling like I had to muddle through life as if everything was okay, even when it wasn't.
To piece together my first "Life After College" post, I did end up moving back to my childhood home because I felt that I needed time to find my own personal peace and happiness. As of now, my dream of six years ago is put on hold, but not closed in anyway, until I find a new dream or until I learn to love the dream I once had.
Goldberg, J. (Ed.). (2016, March). WebMD: Causes of stress. Retrieved from http://www.webmd.com/